A 'special' person

I lost myself to you on thursay again... asking you who am i to you?

I really dont know who am i to you? Why you keep msging me? Is it a routine to say good morning to me? good nite to me? I don't need a talking handphone... what I want is a flesh and blood person... to be with me, care for me, chat with me....

Your reply to me is someone special... if your definitation of someone special is the text that make up of me in your handphone... the talking handphone... I rather not be that someone special... I would like to be just an ordinary someone... at least they can get to see you, chat with you personally... or should I be contented... at least you bring me along with you everyday.. stay close to you... but I rather choose the latter...

Tear between of wanting to book chalet for your birthday or not... One part of me wants to spend the day with you and hope you can spend it with me... the other part feel strange to go spend a nite out with a friend or can I say a strange now... but in the end I choose to book it... I rather be upset than regret... your reply is "you will try"... Ya, I understand, I was not given a choice at all and never will.. its you who have the say... already I'm picturing you not turning up... not putting hope to it so that I won't hurt so much... if you can't I just spend it with others...

2 more days to a day I'm going to drag the most of this entire year beside Christmas... I decide to hide away... best is you don't msg me... I do not want to hear from you forever... n prehaps you too is hiding away from that day coz today you never msg me at all... do I care.. I really dont know... the less you msg... the fastest I can get away from you... already I hardly remember anything from our past... how you look like, how you smell like, how you feel like... to me you are just texts in my handphone... I start to hate handphone already... a machine that make everyone close yet distance...